Mission and Charter of the
Unincorporated Nomadic Township of Utopia
Our mission is to develop lifelong friendships through our commitment to the enjoyment of alcohol, familiar particles, live blues music, and nightly jam sessions. Our future is built on the premise that all citizens have a firm commitment to ensuring the success of these activities. Our motto is “Take it easy man”.
It is recognized that The Unincorporated Nomadic Township of Utopia is a non-legal entity created on the whim of two village idiots, one of whom is the self-declared mayor and author of this document. The rules, regulations, and standards of conduct are founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of its founding members and the rule of law. Our law. Utopia is therefore classified on the political scale as an Anarchistic Republican Dictatorship with a dash of Socialistic Liberalism.
Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms:
- Freedom of peaceful assembly, which requires a minimum of one Coleman lantern and a guitar player;
- Freedom of association with as many topless waitresses as possible;
- Freedom to share cooler space for beer chilling;
- Freedom to tell dissidents and assholes to shut the fuck up.
Any detailed declarations made under any of these sub-sections requires a majority approval of the founding members, and one 26 ounce bottle of Jack Daniels, gin, vodka, or port to be shared during deliberations.
Although membership is defined as the original founding members and one or two stragglers, formal additions to Utopia’s population may be expanded by honorary citizenry we refer to as “Utopian Suck-ups”, but may be granted the honour of full citizenship following a harsh and brutal hazing, and a final vote by a quorum of founding members. These founding members may be plied with a 26 ounce bottle of Jack Daniels, gin, vodka, or port, but no guarantees.
The official language of Utopia is whatever the fuck the other person can understand. Same applies to signage. There are no language police, but members and Suck-ups are required to use the word “fuck” at least once a day, loudly enough to be audible by at least one other member.
Anyone whose rights or freedoms, as guaranteed by this Charter, have been infringed upon or denied may apply to a court of competent jurisdiction to lodge a complaint. Good fucking luck with that one.
Notwithstanding anything in this Charter, the rights and freedoms referred to in it are guaranteed equally to male and female persons, but preferential treatment is in direct proportion to the length of your RV or trailer divided by the length of you or your partner’s penis. You math geniuses will figure out where I’m going with that one…
Carpe diem all over the damn place!